I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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