They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
