When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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