Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
