i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
