All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
