I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
