does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
