so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
