drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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