I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
