Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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