she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
