She announced her abortion via fbk
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
