New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
