We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
