I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
