So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
