you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
