I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
