youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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