What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Drake has all the answers
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
