i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
