true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
