I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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