I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
