peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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