Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
