Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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