just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
