At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
