My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
