I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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