dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
