You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
