Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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