On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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