Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
