life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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