your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
