I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
