apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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