he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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