you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
