Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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