I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
