This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
