no, he came in my armpit
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
