drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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