I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
