Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
