we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Someone came in the potted fern
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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