every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
